Crossroads
by AbsolutelyWilde
Summary: Sequel to Wildfire; includes summary and can be read as stand-alone. "Blaine, you obviously don't know what love really is if you think it can dissipate within 3 months. Or even 3 years. Real love doesn't go away...at least not for me." Three years down the line, how much has really changed since they said goodbye?
1. Summary

**Brief Point Summary of** ** _Wildfire_**

Sebastian assaults Sam. Sam then predicts that the former might try to commit suicide, and he's right. Luckily, Blaine, Sam, Jeff and Hunter get to Sebastian before it's too late.

When Sebastian gets discharged from the hospital, his father tells him that he's not welcome at his family's house anymore. Sam convinces him to confront his father, and Blaine convinces him that he shouldn't go alone. It doesn't go well, leaving Sebastian in the exact same position as before. He therefore reluctantly agrees to stay at Blaine's house.

Shortly afterwards, the two get into an argument at The Lima Bean. This leads to Blaine telling the other boy about a childhood friend of his, Jordan, who lost his legs as a result of a car accident that Blaine felt responsible for.

Shortly thereafter, it is discovered that Sebastian suffers from Bulimia, Rumination Disorder and Clinical Depression as a result of abuse from his father when he was in his early teens.

It is during Sebastian's stay at Blaine's home that the two begin to grow close, and eventually, develop feelings for one another. Both fear their feelings and both try to suppress them. Despite this, Blaine makes three important promises to Sebastian: that he would never consciously hurt him; that he would always be by his side; that he would protect him from the world.

Blaine and Kurt bond over Mr. Schuester's wedding, whilst Sebastian finds a new friend in a Warbler named Dominic Winters.

On Emma and Will's wedding day, Blaine and Kurt sleep together. Sebastian finds out, shortly before realising that he is, in fact, in love with Blaine. He then gets into a very public argument with Kurt and Santana. Blaine sees everything, but makes no effort to defend Sebastian.

That night, the former Warbler confesses his plan to leave Ohio for good. At first, Blaine apologises and pleads, but Sebastian remains adamant. They share their first kiss. Sebastian leaves.

The story resumes three months later in New York with Sebastian now residing with his aunt, Arielle Burke, and his cousins, Alex and Riley. He also briefly meets Arielle's friend, Sarah Crawford and her son, Adam. He sees on the news that Blaine fell off a dock and drowned. He is heartbroken until he hears from Cooper that Blaine is still alive.

During his time in New York, Sebastian makes the decision to change his last name from Smythe to Burke.

He goes back to Ohio and visits Blaine in the hospital. The two speak sincerely and Sebastian falls for him all over again. He then gets into another argument with Kurt and Santana, resulting in the Warbler punching Kurt in the face.

Blaine gets angry and says that he doesn't love Sebastian after all. The latter argues that Blaine never meant any of the promises he had made to him.

Sebastian leaves again, heartbroken and angry. Blaine, just heartbroken.


	2. Chapter One

_**Chapter One**_

"I can't believe another year is gone." Anthony told his roommate, Sebastian, as the latter finished packing the last of his belongings into a suitcase. Instead of turning around, Sebastian stared at the window as the late afternoon sun cast a familiar orange glow on his surroundings.

"It feels surreal, I'll tell you that much." Sebastian agreed.

"Just the thought of free time sends my brain into a state of denial. Like it's a mirage or something." Anthony said.

"I look forward to my bed, _Netflix_ , and my aunt's cat, Freddy. We have a special relationship, him and I."

"Yeah, let's numb our brains so that when we come back next semester we'll surely fail." He shook his head.

"Speak for yourself, dude. If my body doesn't get some rest, I'll be wheeling myself back into this place. My brain is the last thing I'm worried about right now." Sebastian stretched his leg as he spoke, determined to get rid of the persistent stiffness in his limbs.

"No one forced you to major in Performing Arts." Anthony shrugged.

"No one forced you to be so judgemental, and yet, here we are. You'll see, after a few weeks without me, you'll miss me so much you'll start listening to show tunes."

Sebastian's roommate snorted, a small smile on his lips. "Firstly, screw show tunes. Secondly, I will miss you, man. But I'll only be in Texas for three weeks. After that I'm sure you'll be begging to hang out with me."

"Oh god no. There's a reason they call it a vacation, Ant."

"Yeah, yeah. Listen, I have to get to the airport to catch my flight, but I hope you have a great time over at your aunt's. And yes, that is meant with as much sarcasm as possible. Catch you on the flip side, buddy." Anthony gave Sebastian a brief hug before slinging his duffel bag over his shoulder.

"Do people still say that?" He grinned. "But seriously, man, enjoy yourself. You deserve it."

"Thanks, Sebastian. You too." With a quick nod of the head, Anthony left.

 ****…****

Sebastian groaned as he parked his car, frustrated by the amount of driving he had to do with his sore leg. "Why didn't I just get an automatic?" He mumbled to himself as he climbed out the vehicle.

His annoyance quickly vanished when he realised that the journey was over and the destination was his aunt and her best friend, Sarah Crawford. The prospect of spending almost two full months with Arielle excited him; he thought of her fondly as his favourite person. A person whom he didn't get to see as often as he would like to, given his university being an hour away from her home.

Sebastian had this nagging feeling of regret whenever his aunt was on his mind. As if he would never get enough time with her. For eighteen years he hadn't known about her existence, and for the year following his discovery, he brought nothing but trouble to her life. How does one possibly go about making up for nineteen lost years? Sebastian did not have the answer.

It was Sarah who opened the door for him. "We were just starting to get worried. I'm so glad you made it." She stood on her toes to give him a hug.

"Of course I'd make it. I cannot think of better company tonight. Or any other night."

"Usually when I hear those words, they're meant sarcastically." She smiled, arching an eyebrow.

"Although I do admit that sarcasm is my first language, I meant what I said with the utmost sincerity."

"I'm just teasing. Is your leg alright?" Sarah asked, noticing his limp.

"Yeah, it's fine. I just twisted my ankle." Sebastian said.

"How on earth did you manage that?"

"Um. I was practicing pole vaulting. I'm trying out for the Olympics." He replied with a look of false modesty.

She scoffed. "You were dancing, weren't you?"

"Maybe." Sebastian mumbled after a short pause.

Sarah laughed as they stepped into the living room. Sebastian only expected to be met with one person, but instead, there were two. Arielle Burke and Adam Crawford, who was Sarah's son.

"There's my handsome nephew." Arielle smiled, embracing him warmly.

"Hey." He said simply, but everything she needed to know was evident in that single word.

"How are you?" She pulled away from him to study his face.

"Give me a week, and I'll be better than ever," he said. "And you? You been good?"

"I have, but I'm better now." Arielle squeezed his hand.

"And hello there, Hollywood." Sebastian grinned, turning to Adam. He wasn't sure how to greet the Brit, so he settled for a handshake. He hadn't seen Sarah's son in over a year.

"Hey, Sebastian. Good to see you." Adam replied sincerely.

"I didn't know you were back from…wherever you were."

"I got back a few days ago. And as for where I've been, that's a rather long story." He said.

"Just one question, though," Sebastian grinned. "What's it like to be married? Wait, no! Scratch that. What's it like to kiss a girl?"

Adam chuckled. "I was acting. So it's like acting."

"But seriously, man. Congratulations. You were brilliant." Sebastian said.

Adam was surprised. "You saw the movie? It hasn't been released in the States yet."

"He watched it with us." Sarah explained. Upon her son's questioning look, she continued. "You're going to have to get used to people watching you on screen. It's sort of the whole point. And besides, we all thought you were spectacular. But this you already know."

"Well, thank you. All three of you. It really means a lot. It's just, it's one thing for a stranger to see me, but it's a whole lot more nerve-wrecking when it's people I actually know."

"Naturally. Their opinion would hold a lot more weight, at least on a personal level. You have a promising career ahead of you, Adam. And I don't say what I don't mean." Arielle assured him.

"My mom has the best taste in friends." The young Englishman leaned into Sebastian's aunt and nudged her with his shoulder.

"I also have a pretty good taste in children. I knew there was a reason I paid so much for you." Said Sarah.

Adam looked at his mother and tried to keep a straight face, but the longer he stared at her, the more his smile grew. So instead he put his arm around Sarah and leaned into her, feeling completely and utterly at home for the first time in over a year.

A few hours later, after the four of them had collectively made and then consumed dinner, followed by Sebastian and Adam forcing their respective aunt and mother to watch a movie and relax, the two young men stood at opposite ends of the kitchen, having taken joint responsibility for cleaning up.

Adam kept sneaking glances at Sebastian whenever the latter wasn't looking. The words that he wanted to say were on the tip of his tongue, but the actual speaking them part wasn't happening. "You look good. I mean, you seem good." He said eventually.

Sebastian turned to him, nervously playing with his hands. He knew exactly what Adam meant and it was nowhere near an attempt at small talk. He was referring to a somewhat darker time that Sebastian sincerely wished Adam had never been a witness to. "I am. Good. In the same way that you mean."

The Englishman nodded his comprehension, casting the room into a heavy tension of the unspoken.

Sebastian knew that they hadn't ever been close and that Adam probably didn't consider him an actual friend, but it mattered to him that the elder blonde didn't think him to be somebody he wasn't. He'd given the wrong impression to so many people throughout the course of his life, but he knew he didn't want to live like that anymore.

"You know, that guy wasn't me. That person that you saw two years ago. That's not who I am." Sebastian said quietly.

"You don't owe me an explanation."

"I know. I just want _you_ to know that Arielle wouldn't want me around your mom if that's what I was like." He explained.

Adam considered him for a moment. "Whenever we speak about you, my mom speaks very highly. Which she rarely does of someone so young. And I never thought of you as a bad person, just as someone who had been more unfortunate than I in life."

Sebastian heard the hidden implications behind his words, but decided now was not the time to ask what exactly he knew about Sebastian's past. "So how long you back for?"

"I'm not sure. A few weeks at least." The tension dissipated and Adam's smile returned.

"Good," he nodded. "I won't be outnumbered as usual."

"By women?"

"Yeah. Alex lives with his girlfriend, Anna, now. Riley still spends a lot of time at our house though. But, you know, girl." Sebastian said.

"And you don't have a…" Adam trailed off.

"A boyfriend?" He laughed. "Don't worry, I meant when I said I was gay. And no, most of the guys I know from Reddam are straight. You?"

"His name's Aaron. He lives in California."

"How long you guys been together?" He asked.

Adam looked away. "About nine months now."

A somewhat awkward silence followed. Sebastian noticed the change in the Brit's demeanour and assumed it had something to do with whoever Aaron was, but he knew better than to ask. He grinned as a memory came back to him. "I just remembered our first ever conversation. It was in this very kitchen."

Adam seemed amused. "I can recall, yes. We spoke about Kurt."

The smile quickly fell from Sebastian's lips as the rest of that day came crashing back to him. He tried to push it from his mind. "Now that's a name I haven't heard in a while. Are you two still in touch at all?"

"We are, actually. Kurt heard a rumour about a year ago that I got a part in a movie and he called me. We never really stopped speaking after that. He made me promise to see him while I'm still in New York."

"How is he?" He asked curiously.

"Do you actually want to know?" Adam laughed.

"Whatever high school grudge I had against him evaporated years ago. Is he still in NYADA? Oh wait, he should just about be done now, right?"

He nodded. "Next week. He's a throwing a graduation party."

"He probably wants you there so he has photographic evidence that he actually knows you." Sebastian chuckled.

"I'll take that as a compliment. I think." Adam paused. "We spoke about you once, Kurt and I."

"Oh yeah?"

"He told me you hit him in a hospital and apparently almost hit Santana, too."

"Ah. That. Okay, it sounds bad out of context. But they were both being dicks." He shrugged.

"You never told him you were there for Blaine." Adam stated.

Sebastian clenched his jaw and crossed his arms over his chest. "Not that it's any of your business."

The two men stared at each other for a few moments before Adam broke the gaze. "Point taken."

"I think I'm just going to go see what Arielle's doing." He mumbled before leaving the kitchen.

Adam watched him leave but didn't follow. He decided instead to hang back and boil the kettle for tea. As he reached for a mug, he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. It was a message from Aaron.

 _Hey, Adam. Sorry I missed your call earlier, but work has just been crazy. I'll call you tomorrow, okay? Xx_

"Sure you will." He said to himself with a sigh.


	3. Chapter Two

_**Chapter Two**_

As his feet stepped off the bus and made contact with the ground, he looked up. The people getting off behind him grew impatient and pushed past him, some more aggressive than necessary. It didn't bother him, however. He was mesmerised.

The big city lights, the tall skyscrapers, the angry stares of pedestrians; this was New York.

He was filled with a sensation, a feeling he couldn't quite describe. He felt off balance, as if he didn't trust the ground he was meant to walk on. Yet, an eerie calmness resided within. Bracing him for whatever the universe chose to reveal next.

"Blaine!" A familiar voice yelled. The voice belonged to a person he hadn't seen in years.

"Kurt." Blaine's face lit up as he embraced the first person he ever fell in love with.

"I can't believe you're actually here." Kurt shook his head, rendered breathless by the seeming unreality at present.

"Me neither. How did we let this much time go by?"

"You moved to Oregon, that's how. But I'm so glad you're here now." He closed the distance between them again, hugging him and holding on until they both started laughing. "Well, come on," he insisted, tugging on Blaine's forearm. "Let's not stand in the street all day. I know of two other people who are dying to see you, too!"

After much excitement and many more hugs, the four former McKinley students were seated around a small coffee table that resided within the apartment currently being rented out to Rachel Berry, Santana Lopez and Kurt Hummel.

"My god, it feels like high school again." Santana remarked.

Blaine smiled. "Strangely enough, it doesn't feel that way for me at all. That world feels so far away now. And look at you girls, you both look so gorgeous."

"I have to agree with Blaine, and not just because he told me I look gorgeous." Rachel added.

He laughed. "I can't believe you're living in Brooklyn now. This place is amazing. I really can't tell you how happy I am for you guys."

"Enough about us," Rachel squeezed his shoulder. "I want to hear about you. Kurt barely tells us anything."

"That's not true!" He said defensively. "Blaine is the one that barely told _me_ anything."

"If there was something important to tell, I would have told you guys myself. Living in Salem is nowhere near as exciting as being neighbours with the great New York City."

"You could have joined as at any point. You know that." Kurt insisted.

"I do, and I appreciate that the offer was always there." Blaine met his gaze. "I just had some stuff to figure out first."

"Wait," Santana interjected. "First? Does that mean what I think it means?"

"Are you finally moving here?" Rachel asked.

Blaine was taken aback by the sheer amount of emotion staring back at him through the piercing eyes of his ex-boyfriend. He lowered his head. "I'm thinking about it. Lima was never and will never be the place I belong, and despite giving it my all for three years, neither is Salem."

"Well, New York is perfect for you. Trust me. This is where dreams come true." Kurt smiled. There was something different about Blaine, he could tell. And it was more than just the fact that he'd gotten older. There was this look in his eyes that hadn't been there before, but Kurt didn't know what it was.

Blaine tried to look inspired for the benefit of his friends. But the truth was something he could never say; not to them. "That's what I'm counting on."

Rachel grabbed his hands and held them in hers. "We are going to have so much fun. There is so much to show you. So much to experience."

 ****…****

That night, Blaine's loud thoughts kept him awake. He was lying on the sleeper couch in his friends' living room, the restless city noise keeping him company. Slivers of yellow light kept his surroundings from suffering total darkness and allowed him to ponder the silhouettes of furniture that adorned the room.

Seeing Kurt and being around him had brought back some confusing feelings for Blaine. There was so much guilt and love and regret infused in his ex-boyfriend's eyes. Or more so, infused _with_. After years of successfully seeing him as little as possible in an attempt to objectively figure out what it was that he wanted, he was almost more unsure than before. He was never going to shake the love that he felt for Kurt, but nothing he felt seemed pure anymore.

Blaine tossed and turned restlessly, suddenly frustrated by his ardent conscious state. He'd gotten so used to just going through the motions in his life that he no longer knew how to swim to the surface of the feelings he was drowning in.

It was rather poetic in a twisted, ironic kind of way. It took burying a man for Blaine to dig up the proverbial grave of another.

Sebastian Smythe.

A name he had long since put behind him. But no matter how far he ran from his memories, he couldn't run from the guilt.

His memory of Sebastian was a hazy one. The harder he tried, the less Blaine could remember his face. There was always something between him and Sebastian, like a veil, obstructing the finer details.

He found himself wondering what his old friend could be doing at that very moment; where he was, who he was with. A part of Blaine had long since accepted that he would never know the answers, and that, more than anything else, left his heart in a state of unrest.

"No, Blaine. Don't go back down this road. It's an endless route to nowhere. You're in New York, you're with three amazing people who are so happy to see you. Please. _Please_ just be content." He shut his eyes and whispered to himself.

Blaine was on the verge of sleep when a startling realisation hit him. Shit. He fished around in the dark for his phone, blinking at the bright screen when he found it. And just as expected, there several missed calls and messages blinking at him from his notification panel. He pressed the call back option.

It rang. Once. Twice. Three times. He started to panic when it hit eight. "Blaine?" Said the sleepy voice on the other end.

"Thank goodness you answered."

"I wasn't planning on it, but then I got worried that something had happened to you," he paused. "Did something happen to you?"

"No," Blaine admitted. "I'm sorry. It's been a weird day. I just forgot to call."

"I assumed it was that. I guess I shouldn't have answered."

"I'm really sorry, Parker. I didn't mean to make you worry." He felt absolutely guilty, but not for the reasons he should have.

"Yeah," Parker said sadly. "You never really mean to make me feel anything."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"It means, Blaine, that I am trying so hard to be a good boyfriend. But I doubt you'd notice if I weren't," he sighed. "It's late, I'm tired and I don't want to say something I'll end up regretting. If you actually want to talk to me, call me again tomorrow." Parker hung up.

 ****…****

 **A/N: Hey everyone, author here! I just wanted to inform you guys that I will do my best to update twice a week but, depending on how busy I get, I may only do once a week. Either way, the chapters will keep coming :)**


	4. Chapter Three

_**Chapter Three**_

Sebastian watched him walk into the coffee shop. He watched him placing an order with the barista and kept his eyes on him as he chose a table, grabbed a magazine and sat down. It was the small things that Sebastian loved to notice; the way his lips pursed in concentration as he read and the way he kept running his fingers through his dark hair restlessly.

"Seb, please, just ask him out already." Sebastian's friend, Abi, who was currently sitting next to him, said.

"Who?" Sebastian sipped on his coffee and looked at her innocently.

She rolled her eyes. "I am not blind, okay? Every time you two are in the same room together, you get all googly-eyed. It's not pretty, I've seen you drool."

"Girl's got a point." Said the third person sitting at their table, Aidan Kenlar.

"I legitimately have no clue who you guys are talking about." Sebastian's gaze remained fixed on his mug.

"In that case I guess you wouldn't mind if I called him over." Abi shrugged.

"No!" He said a little too quickly. She raised her pierced eyebrow at him and smiled a smug smile.

Sebastian sighed. "Is it that obvious?"

"Yes." Abi and Aidan replied in unison.

"But," added Aidan, "It's only because we know you. And I can count the number of guys you've perved over on my one hand. So when somebody gets added to that number, it's my job to notice."

"I don't 'perve', I simply observe in an enthusiastic manner. From a distance."

"Well why don't you go and perve from up close?" Abi asked.

The thought of putting himself out there for someone and having them turn him down was not something Sebastian could adequately explain to his friends. It wasn't as simple as a fear of rejection. It was actual anxiety. "I don't think that would be the best idea."

"You know, soon enough people are going to think that you're," Aidan looked nauseated, "straight."

"Yeah, come on, Seb. What have you got to lose?" Abi punched his shoulder encouragingly. Sebastian grimaced, surprised at the strength in her small fists.

"What if I say something stupid? What if he's taken?"

"You would have at least tried. It's better than pining after someone endlessly." She said.

"I am not pining. I just happen to think he's ridiculously attractive. There's a difference." Sebastian explained matter-of-factly.

"Stop stalling. Get over there." Aidan pushed him out of his seat.

Sebastian stumbled, glaring at his friends. He stood where he was, not sure if he would be able to muster up the courage to do what they expected him to do. He didn't want to be paralysed because of his anxiety; in fact, it made him furious that he couldn't do something so simple without shaking from head to toe.

Enough was enough, Sebastian decided. He strode forward, false confidence abundant in his steps. "Hey, Danny." He greeted.

Danny looked up at him, a slow smile forming on his lips. "Hey, Sebastian. What brings you to these parts?"

"Uh. I was, um, drinking coffee. Over there." He pointed in the direction of his friends.

Danny looked amused. "Regular rebel without a cause, ain't ya?"

Sebastian stared at him blankly for a moment too long before catching on to the joke. He laughed after an uncomfortable delay. "Guess that's what people do in these places, huh? So what are your plans for the break?"

"See some family, watch some movies, break some laws, do some prison time. The usual. How about you? Also, I find sitting on chairs to be far more relaxing than standing awkwardly next to tables."

Sebastian could feel his face getting warmer. He sat down. "I don't really have any set plans yet. I'm staying at home though, which I like." He mentally reprimanded himself for being boring.

Danny nodded. "You still stay with your parents?"

"Uh, no. I actually live with my aunt when I'm not at Reddam. You?"

"My brother, Toby. My parents weren't overly fond of me pursuing a career in the arts. Which was after they weren't overly fond of me pursuing men." He grinned.

"One of these days I'm going to hear a coming out story that ends with 'and my parents were delighted!'. And then I'm going to punch that person in the face."

Danny laughed. "I'll take that to mean yours didn't end that way?"

"Not exactly, no. People like to appear open-minded, yammering on about equality and shit. But it's a lot harder to pretend when it's your own children." Sebastian said.

"Very true. Not that we're bitter or anything." His smile was open, an invitation for Sebastian to join. He complied warmly.

"I'm too young to be bitter. At least, that's what they tell me."

"Well I'm telling you that being bitter will make you lose that pretty smile of yours. Granted, it'd be a bigger loss to me than to you, but a loss nonetheless." Danny chose that moment to walk over to the counter to collect his order.

Sebastian blinked rapidly, somewhat stunned by the unexpected compliment.

"You know," Danny said, having returned, "your friends don't have to sit in the corner by themselves watching us. I don't bite. Okay, that's a lie, but they're not my type."

He chuckled, slightly embarrassed. "I tried to tell them. You know how shy they can be."

"Isn't Abi the girl who slapped Lisa Abbernathy when Lisa made fun of that disabled kid?"

"Uhhh. Yeah, she did that." Sebastian bit his lip, frowning. "Guess people are just complicated."

Danny pursed his lips, mentally preoccupied with a secret decision. "So I know this place nearby. It's just quiet enough to be considered classy and they usually have kickass live music. How about you round up your cavalry and we head over there?"

Sebastian stared at him for a moment, pretending to consider the offer. "I'm sure I could spare a few hours."

"Oh, you can spare a few?"

 ****…****

"I thought you said this place had _kickass_ live music? I can only describe this as _ass_." Sebastian remarked shortly after entering the place called Stormers.

"Did I forget to mention this is karaoke night?" Danny asked.

"Yes." Glared Abi.

"She hates karaoke." Aidan laughed.

"That's because she's never heard me sing." Added Danny with a smirk. She gave him a dirty look before disappearing in the direction of the bar, having mumbled something about vodka. "I think she's warming up to me."

Keeping Abi within sight, the men went to find a table. Aidan chose his seat carefully, intending for Sebastian and Danny to sit beside one another. No one could argue his skills as a wingman.

"Either of you gentlemen brave enough to ascend the stage and sing with me?" Danny asked with a hopeful smile. When he met Sebastian's gaze, the latter felt his heart speed up and butterflies fluttering about in his stomach. A sudden wave of nausea hit him. Danny was too powerful and he didn't even know it.

It had been a while since a man was able to affect Sebastian in that way. Being drawn to another human being was very rare for him but not rare enough, in his opinion.

"My vocal chords are feeling a little under the weather tonight, but I'm sure Seb would be more than happy. I can't remember the last time he performed publicly." Aidan said. Sebastian shook his head when Danny wasn't looking, hoping he would catch on. Alas, Aidan was oblivious. And rather confused.

"Of all the things we've had to do at Reddam, you and I have never sang together." Danny raised his eyebrows.

"But there was that one we were dancing and I tripped over your knee and fell on my face. That's sort of like singing together." Sebastian joked uneasily.

"Well unless you plan on assaulting me with your mic, I don't really see how those two are related…"

"Come on, man. You can't be too shy to perform on a stage, that would put a damper on your Performing Arts degree, don't you think?" Aidan wondered.

Sebastian was mentally groping for an excuse, but thinking under pressure was not his strong suit. "Yeah, you're right. I'll sing with you, Danny."

"You sure? You seem a little uncomfortable."

"It's just been a while since I sang in front of people who don't attend the same university as me. This'll be good for me," he smiled, the butterflies returning at the thought of sharing a stage with his blue-eyed companion. "Do you have a specific song in mind?"

"Would _Sex on Fire_ make you uncomfortable?"

Sebastian laughed. "And we could do _Whistle_ as the encore!"

"Dear god, please tell me you're joking." Abi suddenly appeared next to Aidan.

"How about you give us a suggestion, then." Danny said to her.

"Hmmm. How about _Delicate_ by Damien Rice? We learnt that song on piano a few weeks ago." She offered.

Sebastian's smile dropped from his face. "A song about love?"

"It's a really great song. And I think it would be nice to freak out some homophobes. Good choice, Abi." Danny beamed. She looked indifferent. "Would you be up for it, Mr. Burke?"

"It is a beautiful song. How could I say no?" Sebastian replied, trying to hide his uneasiness.

Three songs later, it was their turn. They had a piano at the back of the stage that Danny pushed forward, inviting Sebastian to play with him. The lyrics appeared on the screen and the song began.

 _ **We might kiss when we are alone  
Nobody's watching  
We might take it home  
We might make out when nobody's there  
It's not that we're scared  
It's just that it's delicate**_

 _ **So why do you fill my sorrow  
With the words you've borrowed  
From the only place you've know  
And why do you sing Hallelujah  
If it means nothing to you  
Why do you sing with me at all?**_

 _ **We might live like never before  
When there's nothing to give  
Well how can we ask for more  
We might make love in some sacred place  
The look on your face is delicate**_

 _ **So why do you fill my sorrow  
With the words you've borrowed  
From the only place you've known  
And why do you sing Hallelujah **_

_**If it means nothing to you**_

 _ **Why do you sing with me at all?**_

 _ **Why do you fill my sorrow  
With the words you've borrowed  
From the only place you've known  
And why do you sing Hallelujah **_

_**If it means nothing to you**_

 _ **Why do you sing with me at all?**_

The reaction from the audience was an awkward combination of far too excited and not excited enough. And although Sebastian would usually have noticed, even if just to pride himself on not taking offence, this time he was oblivious. After the last note they played on the piano, in the second before the listeners instigated their own version of civil war, Danny grabbed hold of Sebastian's hand and squeezed. Electric currents spread through his body at the contact.

When Danny stood up and walked away, Sebastian, still somewhat in shock, assumed he was meant to do the same and followed.

"That was chilling." Abi offered a rare smile as the men resumed their seats.

"You two sound fantastic together." Aidan added.

"Thank you," Danny said, turning to his singing partner. "I also happen to think we did pretty well."

"You sounded amazing. I was listening to you so much I almost forgot to sing the words myself." Before anyone had a chance to respond, Sebastian added, "I just said that out loud, didn't I?"

Danny's smile grew into a flattered grin. "You should speak your mind more often."

He hoped it was too dark for anyone to see him blush. "For whose benefit exactly?"

"For yours, of course. I would have spent my whole life in miserable ignorance if you hadn't said those words just there."

"Miserable ignorance of what?"

"Of exactly how charming you can be." Danny's smile bordered on cheeky.

"Not that I'm rejecting your compliment, but how can it be considered charm if it was entirely accidental and never meant to be spoken aloud?" Sebastian leaned in towards Danny as he spoke.

"I was talking about your reaction. Like you'd said something you shouldn't have. _That's_ what I found cute."

"Charming _and_ cute, huh? Tonight's a good night for me, it seems."

"It seems that way." Danny's eyes stared into his, silently daring Sebastian to not break the gaze. He could not comply, as the thought of someone seeing too far into him was absolutely frightening.

"Not to interrupt your flirting – oh wait, I _do_ mean to interrupt," Abi said with a pointed look, "but I'm going back to the bar to get Aidan a drink. Can I get either of you two anything? A flamboyant martini, perhaps?"

Danny gave her a patronizing smile. "I'll have whatever you're having."

She nodded and turned to Sebastian expectantly. He opened his mouth to respond but nothing came out. The answer he wanted to give and the answer he was meant to give did not go hand in hand.

Sebastian's mind swam with excuses and justifications, but mostly with temptations. He swallowed in aid of his dry mouth and managed to say, "No thanks, Abi."

"Suit yourself." She shrugged.

"You okay?" Danny wondered.

"Yeah, of course. Just suddenly got a headache, must be from the nerves."

"I wasn't aware I made you that nervous."

"I was talking about the song we did, wiseass." Sebastian smirked.


	5. Chapter Four

_**Chapter Four**_

Adam leaned against the doorway, taking in the room before him. "I take it you're a fan of _DC Comics_?"

Sebastian, who had been in the middle of responding to a text message, jumped at the sudden voice. "Adam. Hey. Yeah. Why do you ask?"

He pointed to the poster above Sebastian's bed, which was a blown up cover of the _Justice League of America's_ first edition comic. The Reddam student scrunched up his face. "Ah. Good eye."

Adam stepped forward, walking over to Sebastian's desk to take a closer look at the photos that decorated part of it. The first one he picked up was of Sebastian and his aunt, and the second was of the former in a larger group of young adults all wearing T-shirts that read 'Reddam Misfits'. Adam smiled. "Misfits?"

Sebastian scratched his neck. "Uh, see there's this long-standing tradition at my university for the Performing Arts students to break off into smaller groups and compete with each other every now and then. We also compete with other universities. It's actually a lot of fun."

He nodded. "You do remember why I'm here, don't you? I don't make a habit of just showing up to peoples' homes all that often."

"Right! Yes. Arielle told me you were going to come pick up the hard-drive for your mom. I forgot that was today."

"I hope I'm not intruding…"

"No, not at all. I'm sorry, I'm just a little bit out of it." He said apologetically.

"Late night?" Adam asked.

"Something like that." Sebastian frowned. "God, my manners today. Can I get you something to drink? You English folk like tea, don't you?"

"So I'm told. And yes, tea would be lovely."

"Lovely." Sebastian mumbled to himself in a British accent as he headed for the kitchen, walking in circles in search of the kettle. Adam curiously studied the rest of the house as he trailed slowly behind. He'd only been to Arielle's home twice before, and neither occasion had provided him with the opportunity to stop and smell the roses, metaphorically speaking. Though he was assured they had actual roses in the garden.

"Can I ask you something?" Sebastian said, relieving Adam of unpleasant memories.

"Of course."

"When you got your role in your movie, _His Cry for Help_ , did you – okay, well, when you were done shooting it and you knew that it was over. That you had successfully completed your first big role. Did it feel good? Like, did you feel accomplished and proud of yourself?" He groaned. "I don't think I'm explaining this properly."

Adam studied him for a few moments before responding. "Let me put it this way: I got a lot of negative feedback, as was expected. I also got a lot of very positive feedback, which I did not expect. I had people, including the crew, congratulating me. I had family members I didn't even know about telling me how proud they were. I mean, if I had saved someone's life or cured a disease then I could understand and appreciate that sort of reaction. But all I did was put on someone else's clothes, say someone else's words and tell someone else's story."

"I'll take that as a no, then?"

"Not quite. I was proud. I was proud that I had managed to elicit such a powerful reaction from strangers simply by doing what I love to do. And I'm sure there will be some days where I second guess my decisions, but that's part of being an adult. My turn to ask a question. Is there something you would rather be doing?" He wondered.

Sebastian bit his lip, afraid to let his mind consider the full implications of the question. "Performing is what I'm good at. I'm not particularly book smart and I've never had a specific idea of what I'd want to do. So when Reddam accepted my application last minute, I thought…" he trailed off, suddenly aware of the direction of the conversation. Sebastian continued making tea, willing himself into silence.

Adam knew why he had gone quiet and he also knew not push it. "So guess where I'm going after this."

Sebastian looked at him, shrugging slightly.

"Kurt's graduation party. He lives in Brooklyn now. I can pass on your regards if you'd like?"

"Really? Pass on my regards?" He snorted.

"You're the one who said you have no problem with him anymore." Adam was defensive.

"Yeah well, I was trying to come across as mature or whatever."

Adam sighed. "I'm starting to think that maybe I did come at a bad time, after all." He rose to leave, taking Sebastian's silence as confirmation. For the sake of his mom and Arielle, he tried really hard to get along with the boy, but he just kept hitting a wall. He didn't blame Sebastian entirely; there were things going on inside his mind that no one else could begin to understand.

"You were here that day, weren't you?" Sebastian's voice stopped him as Adam reached for the front door.

"I was dropping them off, yes. I was in the car when I heard the screaming."

"So you saw?"

"Yes, I did. But you knew that already." Adam turned to face him.

"I guess I've never heard you say it, since you're always fucking avoiding me."

The accusation hit hard. He looked away, guilty. "I'm not proud of it."

"But you're admitting to it. I guess that's something." Sebastian flinched.

"I don't want to lie to you. Yes, I have avoided you in the past. But don't pretend you haven't done the same. Every time you refuse to look me in the eye or answer my questions or run away when we're in a room alone; you don't think that's the same thing?"

"It's not personal, okay?"

"How could it be? You barely know me." Frustration made itself known in Adam's voice.

"But you know too much about me!"

"What was I supposed to do, Sebastian? What would you have done in my shoes?" He responded in kind to the raised voice of the taller brunette.

Sebastian hesitated. He knew Adam was right. "I wouldn't have avoided you."

"Like I said, I am not proud of myself for the way I handled things. But I'm not avoiding you anymore, I am trying to get to know you. The old fashioned way." He explained, adding the last few words with a hint of amusement.

"Ah, I see you still believe in the ancient practice of conversation. How retro."

"I heard its making a comeback, so I thought I would give it a go. Look, Sebastian, we can let those memories be an elephant in the room every time we see each other, which we're going to be forced to do at times. _Or_ we can try to be friends. I personally like the sound of the second option much better."

"I kind of thought we were friends already. Most of my friendships are rather odd and dysfunctional." Sebastian shrugged, offering a conciliating smile.

"Let me give you my number," he grabbed a piece of paper and a pen, "that way we can contact each other and make a plan to have another one of these controversial conversation things."

"Yeah, I guess we only ever see each other when it has something to do with Arielle or Sarah." He admitted.

"So let's change that. I do unfortunately have to get going, but I look forward to hearing from you."

"Hey, Adam?"

"Yes?"

"Don't mention me to Kurt. He can't know where I am." Sebastian looked at his hands.

"Who, Kurt?"

"No. Blaine."

 ****…****

"Oh my god, you actually made it!" Kurt exclaimed and excitedly threw his arms around Adam's shoulders.

Adam laughed. "Well of course I did. I told you I wanted to see you."

"I know, but I didn't actually think you'd come. I don't know what you movie stars get busy with." Kurt led him through the front door and into the living room, where at least a dozen other people had already gathered.

"I would very much appreciate if you never call me that again." Adam said with a grimace.

"You are allowed to be a little cocky, you know?"

"I think the manual says cockiness may only be exhibited after the second major picture. I haven't even hit my first yet; Indie films do not count."

"I personally think you should stop reading manuals, it doesn't go over very well with your impending bad boy reputation." Kurt pointed out.

"If I didn't already have a manager, I would definitely not let you be my manager."

"Adam, hey!" Rachel said cheerily, emerging from the assembly of people.

"Wow, hello." Adam smiled, extending his arms for a hug. "How are you?"

"I'm good! Did he tell you I got another show on Broadway –"

"It's not Broadway, Rach." Kurt interrupted.

"Well it's close. Besides, what do you have?" The pair exchanged a look before she turned her attention back to the Brit. "Well done on your movie. I can't wait to see it."

"Thank you. Well done on your show. Consider me there."

"Really? Could you repeat that on social media, maybe?" Rachel abruptly left to yell at two men for sitting on her coffee table.

"Good old Rachel." Adam smiled.

"Yeah, many things come and go but she will always be Rachel and I'll always love her. Unfortunately. Hey, there's someone I want you to meet." Kurt touched his arm and led him into the next room. "Adam, this is Blaine Anderson. Blaine, well, Adam."

"It's nice to meet you." Adam forced a smile, shaking his hand.

"Yeah, you too. I've heard a lot." Blaine tried to hide his surprise. Kurt had mentioned nothing about him.

"Blaine is staying with us for a while. I've been trying to get him to come to New York for years. Can't say persistence doesn't pay off in the end." Kurt said when he realised an awkward silence was about to fall.

"You spoke so highly about it, I had to cave and give it a chance at some point." Blaine replied, lacking anything else to say.

"Where were you staying before?" Adam asked.

"Oregon, mostly. I was in Ohio briefly for a funeral. Is that acceptable small talk etiquette? Funerals?"

Adam smiled in spite of himself. "Small talk is overrated."

"Now that I can agree with. My boyfriend always says that if a conversation follows a script, whether unwritten or not, it's a conversation best not had." Blaine said.

"I can't entirely agree, being an actor and all."

"You have a boyfriend?" Kurt looked appalled.

Blaine nodded. "Parker. Haven't I mentioned him?"

"Uh, no. But one would assume you would have at some point in our correspondence." His tone was accusatory.

"I can't believe I didn't," Blaine said, almost to himself. "I think I need a refill. It was nice meeting you, Adam."

"You as well. Are you alright, Kurt?"

"He has a boyfriend. He's had a boyfriend for a while." He tried to disguise his disappointment.

"You seem upset by that."

"Upset? No," Kurt laughed uncomfortably. "I'm just surprised, that's all. That he didn't mention Parker."

"You sure?" Adam lifted his gaze to see Blaine in the other room talking to Santana.

"Yeah, of course," he did his best to wear a convincing smile. "We have a small balcony that overlooks the city. I want to show you."

"This is amazing." Adam admitted, taking in the view before him.

"I like it. It's definitely a big step up from Bushwick." Despite his obvious distracted state, there was a hint of pride in his voice.

"You, Rachel and Santana have come a long way together. But you," he poked Kurt's chest, "are going to go so much further still. Your name will be in giant neon lights on that building over there."

"I think that's a manufacturer of baby clothes."

They both laughed.

"Speaking of boyfriends, how is Aaron?" Kurt wondered after a moment of comfortable silence.

"Every time someone asks me, I plant a smile on my face and tell them that he's doing well and that he's coming down to visit me soon. But that is a lie. Aaron barely speaks to me at this point. I think there is someone else, to be honest." Adam said reluctantly, his knuckles tightening over the balcony rail.

Kurt put his hand on his friend's shoulder. "He's an idiot if he's cheating on you. I see it in so many men our age. They live for the moment, but they don't stop to consider what they have in someone. You are the kind of person that gay men dream of settling down with."

Adam unwittingly laughed again. "Since when do gay men dream of settling down?"

"Hey! I'd like to settle down one day. And I know for a fact you would."

"I'm only voicing the stereotypes. But I think you have a point. And I think I have a shitty taste in men."

"I'm going to reiterate my 'hey'. You liked me, so your taste can't be that bad." Kurt looked offended.

Adam stared at him, amused. "Yes, and how did that work out for me?"

"Alright, alright, I get your point. But if it makes you feel any better, it was my loss." Kurt said. His confidence made the Englishman smile. "I'm going to go get us some drinks."

Adam took a deep breath and stared out at the busy city below him. He saw hundreds of people going about their daily lives, and he couldn't help but wonder how many of those people were going through something life-altering at that very moment.

When he took out his phone he saw that he had a text from an unknown number:

 _Hey, dude. I figured you would want my number too. Or maybe you didn't. Well, you have it now regardless. So on Thursday night I'm house-sitting for Arielle with some of my friends from college. Would you wanna join?_

Adam quickly typed out a reply.

 _Hey, Sebastian. I have some business related stuff I have to do for my mom on Thursday afternoon (I'm starting to feel like her PA. I think I should get her an assistant). But afterwards I'd love to join :)_

"There you go." Kurt handed him a cup that was filled to the brim with a bluish liquid.

"You're not trying to drug me, are you?"

"If I was, I wouldn't be so obvious as to put it in your drink." He shot back.

"Touché." Adam downed half of the blue beverage, knowing he needed liquid courage for what he was about to say next. "Can I speak freely?"

"After the amount of alcohol you just sporadically threw into your system, I'm not sure how to answer that." Kurt's expression bore resemblance to that of mild terror.

"I'm English, remember? This wouldn't even have made me tipsy ten years ago."

"Then by all means, fire away."

"I think you still have it in your head that you and Blaine are meant to end up together. And I think that you are wrong. You can't keep living for what might happen, Kurt. I saw your face when he mentioned his boyfriend. I know what you were hoping for when he came here."

Kurt refused to meet his gaze. "You don't know anything about Blaine and I, and I don't appreciate you getting involved."

Adam softened his tone. "I'm not trying to. I care about you and I don't like to see you hurt, that's all."

"I'm not hurt, I'm fine. I was just surprised." He said feebly.

"So if one of these men at your party were to ask you out, would you say yes?"

"Are you coming onto me?"

"That would be silly, wouldn't it?" Adam finished the last of his drink.

"Because of what happened three years ago?" He asked.

"Because I have a boyfriend."

"Yes, that whole commitment shebang." Kurt nodded. They exchanged fond glances.

"He's dangerous. Blaine, I mean." Adam added as an afterthought.

"You're exaggerating."

"I'm not saying give up on him, if that is what you really want. I'm just saying don't put things on hold for other people, it doesn't end well. Trust me, I speak from experience."

"Alright, I will go out on a date. Will that make you happy?"

"As long as it's with someone you like. Don't go out with a random bloke just to prove a point."

"Yes, yes. Now, let's stop all the serious talk and go and have some fun because I," Kurt turned around, stopping in the doorway for dramatic effect, "am officially a college graduate."


	6. Chapter Five

_**Chapter Five**_

"How come you never have the good kind of soda? You know, the kind that's not soda." Aidan scrunched up his nose at the virgin Coke in his hand.

"I think you drink more than enough, dude." Abi muttered, stroking Arielle's cat.

"This is actually exactly what I felt like. Thanks, mate." Adam said as Sebastian sat down next to him. He stared at the blonde with a face that was fighting amusement.

"You know what that word means in America, right?"

"How bloody original. Never heard that one before." Adam told him dryly.

"Alright, guys," Abi said, hoisting the cat onto her lap and fixing her posture, "it's my turn to ask a question. And since it conveniently applies to all three of you, my question is: I want to hear your coming out stories."

"That's not a question." Aidan pointed out.

"I can rephrase if you really want. Does it make a difference?"

"I suppose not. I don't mind answering, unless…" He looked at the other two men, who both shook their heads reluctantly. "Cool, then I'll start. I was fourteen when I officially began identifying as gay. Before that I was too young to understand the concept of attraction or how it should work. But when I couldn't stop staring at the other boys on my swim team, the truth became very clear. I think my dad sort of suspected, but it came as a shock to my mom. Weird, I know. Things got uncomfortable for a while at home; no one yelled or threw the word 'sick' around or anything like that, it's more that they temporarily forgot who I was.

"I didn't come out to my school, not then. A year later I kissed a boy for the first time, and that boy went behind my back and told all my friends. They called me names for a while, but I think I got off fairly easy. No physical bullying, no parental verbal abuse. The rest is history." Aidan shrugged. "You next, Seb."

"Uh, okay." Sebastian put his elbows on his knees and leaned forward. "I was thirteen and, um…" He swallowed, knowing there was no good way to tell the story and wondering if he was ready to tell it all.

"How about I go first?" Adam asked quickly. Sebastian smiled his gratitude and nodded. "When I was in high school, I lived in a fairly small town in Essex. Everyone knew everyone and I knew how close-minded they all were, so I kept my mouth shut. But one evening my friends and I went to a pub a little ways out of town. We got separated fairly early on, they went off with some girls, and so I was left by myself at the bar. This man came up to me and started talking to me. I was so naïve and sheltered back then; I had no experience with guys or relationships. So I ignorantly agreed to follow him as he led me to the dark street behind the pub. I sensed that something was off, but I ignored my instincts.

"Without going into too much detail, the man tried to force himself on me, ultimately becoming violent when I wouldn't stop pushing him away." Adam paused briefly when his eyes met Sebastian's. There was something unsettling staring back at him, something that looked a bit like fear.

"I knew my only option was to scream for help, and so I did. A lady and her husband heard me and came running out, at which point the man attacking me quickly ran away. The commotion attracted the attention of some other people from the pub, including my friends. It was in the car on the way home that I finally admitted I was gay. My friends handled it well and kept it to themselves."

"When did you tell Sarah?" Sebastian asked.

"A few weeks later. Though I only told her about the incident at the pub years afterwards."

"You're up, Seb." Aidan said.

"I'm kind of hungry." Abi started to get up, shooting a look at Adam who smiled and responded to the cue by standing up himself. Sebastian grabbed his wrist. If Adam was brave enough to speak to virtual strangers about a memory that was no doubt sensitive to him, then Sebastian owed it to him to at least try.

"Guys, I'm fine. I want to." They both resumed their seats as Aidan tried to figure out what he was missing. "So there was a bit of a misunderstanding between my father and I that led him to believe I was gay. I hadn't even thought about other kids at that age, boy or girl, but I knew being gay was considered a bad thing so I adamantly insisted my dad was wrong. His initial reaction was that I was just confused and needed therapy, so he sent me to a shrink. I hated talking to the psychiatrist, all she did was ask me questions I didn't understand about things I understood even less.

"So when I was scheduled to go to my second session, I started screaming and crying, begging my parents not to make me go. They made me go anyway. Later that night my dad got drunk and told me if I ever tried to pull a stunt like that again, he would kill me." Sebastian couldn't bring himself to talk about what happened after, so he skipped ahead.

"My brother, Elliot, started calling me a homo and a fag in front of the other kids at my school, a practice they gladly adopted. And that's pretty much it, my coming out story."

There was silence. None of them knew what existed in the gaps left by his words, but they all quietly acknowledged his refusal to convey the full story. The sound of Abi's grumbling stomach tore through the room, breaking the tension. They all laughed.

"I said I was hungry." She shrugged.

Sebastian helped her up and, with his arm around her shoulders, accompanied her to the kitchen.

 ****…****

"You serenaded him?" Sebastian laughed.

"I was young and in love. It seemed perfectly rational at the time." Adam said, playing a few chords on Sebastian's guitar.

"Does it still seem rational to you?"

"Not in the slightest, and if you breathe a word of it to anyone, I'll tell them you have a stuffed koala on your bed." Adam picked up the aforementioned toy and studied it.

"Riley won that for me, you stuck-up prick." Sebastian grabbed his koala from a laughing Adam.

Adam continued to strum on the guitar. "Thank you. For inviting me tonight. I'm glad you did, I really like your friends. You should hold onto those two."

Sebastian beamed. "I'm glad I did, too. And yeah, they're two very special people. How did Kurt's party go, by the way?" The question was asked casually, but they both knew it was heavier than it seemed.

Adam hesitated. He chose his words carefully. "I really enjoyed seeing him again. It was as if no time went by between us."

Sebastian nodded. "How much time exactly has gone by?"

"Since I last saw him? Roughly three years." He absentmindedly fiddled with Sebastian's alarm clock. "He's a good person, you know?"

The Reddam student tensed slightly, chewing on his lip. "So I've heard."

"What exactly happened that made you resent him so much?"

"What does it matter?"

"Because I can't for the life of me understand how two people as kind as you and Kurt can get so angry at the mere mention of each other's' names." Adam said.

Sebastian remained quiet, keeping his gaze locked on his carpet.

"You can trust me, kid. For years I have kept my tongue and not asked you any of the questions I was dying to ask. Just this once, humour me."

Sebastian knew sincerity when he heard it, and Adam was nothing if not sincere. That was part of the problem. As Oscar Wilde brilliantly said, 'A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.' Abi, Arielle and Riley were the only three sincere people that he let himself trust on an emotional level, and they all had one thing in common. They were all women. Men, regardless of age or role in his life, were always kept at arm's length.

It couldn't hurt to answer a question though, right? Just this once? "When Kurt first met me I think he felt threatened, not that he would ever admit it. After that, I'm not sure what it was about me that pissed him off so much. I think maybe it was easier to hate me than to admit he saw something in me that he related to."

"What was that?" Adam wondered.

"Neither of us could fit into society's idea of what to be. I mean good god, his outfits! But also just the way he spoke, the way his mind worked; that guy could not blend in if he tried. And he was proud of it, yes, but I think there were aspects of being an outsider that probably made him feel really shitty." Sebastian explained. He picked up his guitar from its spot on the bed and started polishing it with his T-shirt.

"And I'm assuming you can relate to that?"

"Misfits." He said softly, looking at the picture on his desk.

Adam leaned back against the wall as he studied Sebastian, dozens of thoughts swimming against the currents of his mind. His gaze settled on the instrument in the arms of the younger brunette. "I've never actually heard you sing. Abi said you're pretty good."

"When did she say that?"

"Earlier tonight when she was telling me about your duet at Stormers." His eyes shone bright with amusement.

"Of course she told you about that," Sebastian muttered. "I'm not that great, really. Especially compared to Abi; holy shit, that girl's got pipes."

"I'm not comparing you to her. And I'll believe you're good if I see it. Until then…" Adam said with a challenging smile.

Sebastian almost laughed. "Oh, you think I'm going to fall for that?"

"No. It was worth a shot though, wasn't it?" They stared at each other, an unspoken game at play.

"You could just ask, you know?" Sebastian said slowly.

Adam turned serious. "Would you, Sebastian Burke, do me the honour of serenading me?"

"Fuck you." He grinned and threw his koala at Adam's face.

"Seriously though, I'd love to hear. If you would be so kind as to play a song for me. Well not _for_ me, at me."

Sebastian shrugged. "What would you like to hear?"

He thought about it. "You ever written any songs of your own?"

Sebastian took a sip of coffee. "Uh, yeah. But it's not going to be any good."

"Try me."

He could feel his heart rate speed up at the prospect of exposing his private thoughts and feelings to another person. It was daunting and exhilarating, and he didn't want to say no. He gripped the guitar a little harder than necessary as he prepared himself. "This song is called Hazel."

 _ **The floor turned to fire at my feet**_

 _ **My eyes blinded by defeat**_

 _ **I lost my grip on that rubber edge**_

 _ **So I closed my eyes and fell**_

 _ **I braced for an impact that never came**_

 _ **The sky carried me at my worst**_

 _ **Bright white wings taking the blame**_

 _ **For the black footprints behind me**_

 _ **The only other who can see the shadows**_

 _ **Only one to frighten them away**_

 _ **There's two sides to this story**_

 _ **Two different people trying to be one**_

 _ **I never saw it coming, but you did**_

 _ **You said you didn't mean it, but I did**_

 _ **I braced for an impact that never came**_

 _ **The sky carried me at my worst**_

 _ **Bright white wings taking the blame**_

 _ **For the black footprints behind me**_

 _ **The only other who can see the shadows**_

 _ **Did I frighten you away?**_

Adam was at a loss for words. He thought Sebastian's voice was lovely, but it was the eerie melody of the song topped with the deeply personal lyrics that really got to him. Sebastian no longer looked like a man of twenty-one; he reminded Adam of someone who was much older, trying his utmost to be much younger.

"Are you ever going to say anything?" The living contradiction asked nervously.

"I loved it. I really did. I'm surprised, is all."

"Surprised by what?" He seemed taken aback.

"Nothing. Uh, just how good you are. That's a beautiful song you wrote there." Adam said.

Sebastian looked sceptical. "Thanks. I've never played that song for anyone before. Wow, why did I just tell you that?"

"You should play it for your friends. I don't doubt they'd love it as much as I do. You're talented, Sebastian."

Sebastian scratched his arm, a habit that was usually reserved for moments he felt shy or anxious. Accepting compliments was not something he did well. "We should probably go join the A Team again. They're probably wondering what we're doing for so long."

"Sounds like my kind of team." Adam noted.

"Right, the whole 'Adam' thing. I collect you people like I'm trying to learn the alphabet."

The Englishman was almost out the door when he said, "and don't worry, if they ask what we were doing, I'll tell them you were just serenading me."

"Oh god, you and that word. Hey, come back here!" Sebastian chased after him.


	7. Chapter Six

_**Chapter Six**_

 _I held back the tears as I touched your face again. The image of your face, that is. The last piece of you I had left._

 _I love you. I love you. I love you._

 _Those three words repeated endlessly in my thoughts, day after day, since the minute you left. 173 hours ago. I wondered if I would ever stop counting. I wondered if it would ever stop hurting. But I knew I would never stop missing you._

 _I fell onto my bed and hid my face in the pillow. I wanted to vanish. To be consumed by oblivion. Even more than that, however, I wanted to stop wanting it all to cease._

 _I was being crippled by regret and longing and sadness and love. I didn't know how to even begin moving forward. I spent my days isolating myself in my room, either sleeping or wishing I was asleep. I wanted him back so badly I was making myself sick._

 _I knew how pathetic it was. I knew. It was all my doing, right? I chose this. I chose to push him away. I got what I wanted and realized it was nowhere near what I wanted. Now it was time for me to accept and face the consequences. Only, I wasn't facing anything. I was hiding. From them, from me, from everything._

" _Blaine?" My mom knocked twice and didn't wait for an answer before opening my bedroom door. "I just made some lunch. I'm sure you're hungry. Can I bring you some?"_

 _I shook my head. She stayed where she was, watching me. "This is getting ridiculous. All you do is mope about in here. You haven't seen your friends in a week, you've barely left the house. I'm afraid I'm going to have to play the parent card here and insist you go outside for a walk."_

" _I don't feel like walking." I mumbled, half into the pillow._

" _I don't care. I'm the adult and, despite what you may think, I do actually know what's good for you. This is not a request, Blaine." She kept my door open as she left. Her way of telling me there was nowhere left to hide._

 _It took me about an hour, but I eventually forced myself into the shower and out of the house. The late afternoon air filled my senses, the first pleasant intake of breath in a week. The air was cool and soothing. For no apparent reason, it made me miss him more._

 _Over the next two blocks I settled into a sort of haze, kicking loose trash cans and avoiding strangers' gazes. I hummed a few songs. Music was no comfort though; it reminded me of a version of myself that I knew I would never get back._

 _Kindness. Innocence. Two things I could no longer associate myself with. Honesty. Love. Compassion. What did I have left?_

 _A tall boy with blonde hair caught my attention. He was leaning against a tree, engaged in conversation with two other tall boys, both brunettes. There was also a girl with them. The blonde was the first to notice me. His face betrayed a conflict of emotions. "Hi, Blaine."_

" _Hey, Jeff. Hey, guys." I didn't smile and neither did they._

" _It's you." The girl observed. I couldn't decide what she made me feel._

" _You look like shit." Dominic said._

" _I probably do." I replied simply._

" _He's gone, isn't he?" Jeff asked. The question I knew they would ask. The one I'd been dreading. My heart started to race and the world around me blurred into dull, dripping watercolours._

" _Yeah. He took off last week. I thought he'd said goodbye." The last part was a lie._

" _What did you do?" I got caught in Jeff's challenging gaze._

" _Come on, man. That's not fair." Hunter said._

" _It is fair! Seb should be here, but he's not. There can only be one reason for that, and it starts with the letter 'b'."_

 _I deserved his anger. I accepted it. "He's right, Hunter. It is my fault. I screwed up. I'm sorry."_

 _There was a brief moment of silence before the air echoed with Jeff's sudden movements as he shoved me to the ground. None was as stunned as the attacker himself._

" _He was miserable here, anyone could see that." I said._

" _That's not true." Jeff snapped._

" _Yes, it is! He hated himself and he hated this place."_

" _But he got better. We all saw it."_

" _What you saw was Sebastian clinging desperately onto something that wasn't real. He needed me to be his knight in shining armour, and I couldn't be that. No one could." I equated my words with admitting defeat. As humans there were few things we despised more than telling the world what we are not capable of._

" _He didn't need a hero. He just needed a friend." Jeff argued feebly. I suspected this had more to do with my friend's lack of closure than it did with my involvement in Sebastian's departure._

" _He had friends. What he wanted was someone to disprove his sad and bitter view of the world. But that's a scary burden to carry on your shoulders; one wrong move and you shatter him to pieces." I dug my fingers into the sand below me._

 _Four pairs of eyes stared straight at me. Four different perceptions of one man wishing for another. Sebastian's sister spoke. "Do you know where he went?"_

" _If I did, I would not tell you." I said coldly._

" _Look, I know I've been a bitch, especially to my brother. And you've seen me in an awful light that I stepped into willingly. But please do not presume to understand me or what I feel for Sebastian."_

" _You wanted him dead." I pronounced each word carefully._

 _Olivia flinched. "If I ever wanted him dead, it was for his own good."_

" _What the fuck does that even mean?" Dominic asked._

" _It means that I saw how much he was suffering –"_

" _Then why the hell didn't you do anything about it?" I wanted to know._

" _Because I was scared. You do not know what it's like to grow up with a father like mine. He's a monster with a black heart. We all saw what he was doing to Seb and I…I didn't want to be in his shoes." Olivia admitted._

" _What was he doing to Seb?" Dominic wondered cautiously._

" _Sucking the life out of him." I said._

" _Sebastian has such a strong will; my dad couldn't control him. And that infuriated my father. He hated my brother for it. He was happiest when his son was miserable." She looked at me, hoping I could understand. I'd seen what that horrid man was like, so I knew she was speaking the truth. But I was not going to let her off the hook for the way she had turned her back on her own flesh and blood._

" _Then why do you want to know where he is? I will not let your dad anywhere near him ever again." I told Olivia._

" _I don't want him near Sebastian either. I don't want him near me. I just want to know that my brother is okay."_

 _I pulled at the grass blades near my legs. Anything to avoid eye contact. "I don't know where he is, and that's the truth. He said he was staying with his aunt and her kids. That's as much as I know."_

 _Olivia frowned. "I don't have an aunt. Both of my parents are only children."_

" _Why would he lie to me?"_

 _ ****…****_

Blaine shielded his face with his arms and groaned. It was the third time in two weeks that specific memory had played off in his dreams. And every time he woke up to it, he was left with nauseating knots in his stomach and a sense of restlessness he just couldn't shake.

Blaine sat up and ran his fingers through his hair, trying to clear his mind and pushing the unwanted images back into their vaults. He wasn't sure what his brain wanted him to remember so desperately, but he didn't want those memories. They belonged to the man he used to be.

"Shit!" He said after seeing the time on his phone. He was supposed to be meeting Cooper in less than twenty minutes.

"Everything okay?" Rachel wondered, biting down on a piece of apple. She was only partly paying attention to him from the kitchen.

"Yeah, of course. I just overslept." Blaine yawned.

"Is there somewhere you have to be?" She asked.

"Actually, yes. My brother's in town for a while so I'm going to spend the day with him."

Rachel's eyes widened. "Cooper Anderson is here? Feel free to invite him over sometime. Just let me know first. You know, in case I'm having a bad hair day. Or I have a date. Its fine, I could just blow him off."

Blaine smiled. "Thanks, Rach. I'll keep that in mind."

"I haven't seen you in four months, little brother. And you can't even bother to show up on time." Cooper said with a hint of annoyance when Blaine sat down opposite his brother at the diner of the elder Anderson's choice.

"Coop, I'm ten minutes late. My alarm didn't go off. I'm sorry."

"Don't be, I'm just anxious. Waiting for a call from my agent." Cooper smiled. "It's good to see you, squirt."

Blaine could feel tension leaving his body. Cooper was one of the few remaining people he felt truly comfortable around. "You too, big brother. And I'm sure whatever part you're waiting to hear about will undoubtedly be yours. So relax."

"You're right. I mean, look at me. And my talent speaks for itself."

Blaine rolled his eyes. "Okay, now you're just trying to be funny."

"Well, it got you to smile, didn't it? Something Mom specifically told me to make sure you do when I saw you." Cooper played with his watch, twisting it around his wrist.

"Mom thinks if I have a smile on my face then everything's okay." Blaine mumbled.

"Let's not get into _that_ again. So tell me, you got any clients here in New York yet?"

He nodded. "I'm actually meeting with one in a few hours. Oh, and there's this small business near Kurt's apartment that want me to do their site for them."

"That whole web design thing is really working out for you, huh?"

Blaine shrugged. "It pays the bills."

Cooper narrowed his eyes in observation, but chose to hold his tongue. "Hey, how's Park doing? You guys still going out?"

"Yeah, we are. He's fine. Doesn't really like me being here, though."

"He probably just misses you. That's normally what happens when you're away from someone you love."

It didn't take long for Blaine to catch on. "What are you insinuating, Cooper?"

"I don't know, man. You're like a robot or something and it freaks me out. It's like you have nothing to say to me."

Blaine looked away. "It freaks me out, too. I do want to talk to you, Cooper. I just – my mind just – sometimes I struggle to focus. Like, I can't fully be in my present surroundings."

He nodded slowly. "Is this a permanent problem of yours?"

"Well, I mean, no. It's not every day, if that's what you're asking. I haven't been sleeping well and I've been having weird dreams and maybe that's all it is." Blaine said.

"I don't know a lot about this kind of thing, bro, but I don't think it's just sleeping problems you're having."

"Yeah, I know. I keep hoping the feeling will leave, but it doesn't. And you're right, I don't really miss Parker. What kind of person does that make me?" Blaine looked at his brother apprehensively.

Cooper remained silent for a few moments, struggling to comprehend the weight of the other man's words. "It doesn't make you a bad person, Blaine. I think you're walking around with a lot on your shoulders and I think it's overwhelming you. But I wish you would tell me what exactly it is that you are carrying around."

"I don't even know where to start, Coop."


	8. Chapter Seven

_**Chapter Seven**_

"I think that's about it. Everything make sense?" Robert asked, glancing at a few customers in the corner of the store.

"Yes, definitely. It's pretty straightforward." Sebastian nodded with false confidence.

"Great. You can start with repacking the Fiction section." Robert smiled and patted him on the shoulder.

"On it." Sebastian wandered down the designated aisle and raised his eyebrows at the hundreds of books that sat patiently out of place, waiting for him to correct another's mistake. "I'm going to have grandkids by the time I'm done here." He mumbled to himself as he got to work.

It was important to Sebastian to prove to his aunt that he was not the same boy she had met three years ago. He was a man now, and it was time to start acting like one. He hated the thought of being a burden to the one person who had never given up on him. She was everything to Sebastian, but he had no idea how to show her how much she meant to him.

He decided his first step was getting a job. In all the years of things she had paid for, Arielle had never once even insinuated that she expected him to pay her back. In fact, Sebastian wondered if she would even accept his small weekly pay-checks from Robert, but that was a bridge he would have to cross at a later stage.

Sebastian heard the door open and briefly considered greeting the customer and offering his help, but he changed his mind and stayed where he was. If his boss asked him to re-do the Fiction section, then that was what he would do as fast and efficiently as possible.

He got distracted when his fingers stumbled upon one of his favourite novels, _The Humans_ by Matt Haig. Opening the book, he skimmed some pages and smiled. That is, until he realised he was meant to be packing books, not reading them.

"I'm glad you could make it. Unfortunately, I do not have an office, so to speak. Would it be alright if we just talk here and discuss the finer details you mentioned?" Sebastian heard Robert's voice in the front.

"Yeah, sure. Anywhere is fine." The second voice also belonged to a man.

"No. Fucking. Way." Sebastian whispered to himself. He raised from his kneeling position on the floor and slowly made his way to the source of the voices. He stopped at the right end of the centre bookshelf and stared through it at the front desk. Two men stood facing each other, both wearing casual expressions. The taller of the pair was Robert, and the other a long-forgotten fantasy.

Sebastian's breath caught in his throat, his whole body frozen in place.

As the two continued speaking, Blaine's lips broke into an easy smile and Sebastian couldn't tear his eyes away. He could no longer hear what they were saying; the only sound that passed through his ears was a sharp ringing noise that didn't come from anywhere in particular.

Sebastian couldn't help noting that Blaine was slightly taller than he used to be. His hair didn't have a trace of gel in it anymore and his face was sporting the beginnings of a five o'clock shadow. Other than that, Blaine Anderson looked no different. At least, not from eight feet away.

He felt himself being pulled in two directions. Sebastian wanted to turn around and walk back to his corner of the bookstore, walk back to the life he had created for himself these last few years. Because he knew that if Blaine stepped back into his world, everything would change, probably for the worse.

The other part of him, however, couldn't stand the thought of a wasted opportunity. Those hazel eyes haunted his dreams, always reminding him of what he couldn't have. And now that those hazel eyes were right in front of him again, how could he throw away the chance of Blaine looking at him one last time?

It wouldn't be one last time though, would it? One wouldn't be enough for Sebastian. He had never considered himself a greedy man, but when it came to Blaine Anderson, he always wanted more.

Suddenly he felt pathetic. Why did he care so much about a person who never really cared about him? A person he hadn't seen in three years? A person who probably hadn't thought about him since the day he left Ohio?

Sebastian stepped back hesitantly. He knew what the right move was, he just didn't like that he knew. As hard as it was to admit to himself, even after all this time, he was better off without Blaine.

"Yes, that's fine. What I can do is bring you some drawings with a few different designs and you can let me know which one you like, and offer up some of your own input and then we can take it from there. How does that sound?" Blaine asked, offering yet another polite smile. He liked the man, Robert, and felt relieved that he didn't have to work with another uptight, opinionated rich person. He'd come across far too many of those in Salem.

"That sounds brilliant. Thank you, Blaine."

"It's my pleasure. So, realistically, it'll take me about a week to get all the sketches done, but I'll call and schedule a time with you beforehand." He said.

"I look forward to hearing from you. Oh, would you excuse me? I can see some youngsters over there who look like they could use some help." Robert shook his hand.

"I'll see you soon, Mr. Hanson. Would you mind if I stay and browse a bit?"

"Of course not! I respect a man who reads."

Blaine walked slowly down the aisles of books, lazily glancing at some titles and running his fingers across the spines. He knew he wasn't in the correct mind-set to even attempt reading; more than anything, he was just looking for something to pass the time. For too long now, his days would drag by endlessly, seemingly nothing to set one week apart from another.

Out of the corner of his eye he noticed a figure kneeling nearby, hastily removing books from the shelf and then re-packing them. Blaine couldn't explain why the movement had attracted his attention; he was in a bookstore, after all. But he turned his head for a closer look, frowning. That body, that hair, it…couldn't be.

With a racing heart and questionable balance, he approached the man who had his back turned on Blaine. "Sebastian?"

Sebastian let out a quiet sigh and shut his eyes. He quickly composed himself before turning around to face his old friend. Twenty silent seconds went by as the two young men remembered themselves in each other's gaze. "Hey, Blaine." Sebastian said with a dry mouth.

Blaine was at a loss for words. He felt dazed, as if he were stuck in some half-reality. Surely, Sebastian Smythe couldn't be standing in front of him at that very moment? "You're here."

"It seems that way." He nodded.

"Am I here?" Blaine asked.

Sebastian snorted. "Are you on something?"

"Maybe. _Why_ are you here?"

"That's what you want to know? Why I'm working here?" Sebastian wondered, stuck in his own kind of disbelief.

"That's not exactly what I meant. I'm not too sure what I meant. Do you live here?"

"In the bookstore?" He forced his lips to remain neutral. He wouldn't give Blaine the satisfaction of a smile.

Blaine did not participate in his way of thinking and quickly broke into a grin. "Smartass. I meant New York."

Sebastian stared at his feet. "Uh. New York is a pretty big place."

"You don't have to tell me. I don't live here. I'm staying for a while, though. I think."

What followed could only be described as a heavy, awkward silence. Tension and unspoken words hung between them like mist. There were so many things to say, and so many more to not say. And yet, neither could scramble enough words together to form even the smallest sentence.

"Did you see me earlier? Talking to Robert." Blaine couldn't help but ask.

Sebastian nodded slowly.

"I get why you'd rather not say hi. It makes sense." The sharp pang in his chest sang a different song entirely.

"Well, you seemed busy. I didn't want to bother you guys or anything." Sebastian said.

"It wouldn't have bothered me at all. Even if I lost the job, it still wouldn't have bothered me." Blaine told him softly.

"What job?"

"The website. I design them." He explained.

"Really?" Sebastian couldn't hide the look of surprise on his face. That was just about the last thing he ever expected Blaine to get involved in professionally.

"Yeah. Yeah, I've been doing it for just over a year now." Blaine wasn't sure why Sebastian seemed so shocked, but it made him feel ashamed.

"Well, if it's something you enjoy doing, then I'm happy for you." He tried to keep his voice level, restricting the amount of sincerity that leaked into his words.

"Do you mean that?" Blaine challenged.

Sebastian was taken aback. "Of course I do. Why wouldn't I?"

With a shrug, he crossed his arms over his chest. "Because you didn't want to say hi."

"I was simply indifferent. I don't care enough to actively avoid you."

"Ouch," his features tried on the mask of melancholy. "When I leave this store, I'm going to remember so many things I could have said right now and I'm going to be pissed at myself for missing my window. But that doesn't change the fact that you are here. And you're okay."

Sebastian searched his face. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"I don't know. I don't know."

"Are you? Okay?" He asked the question before he could think better of it.

Blaine clenched his jaw and fought back against the ocean of feelings that crashed into his chest like a breaking wave in a rising tide. The air tasted stale as he let out a breath. "I, uh, I'm really glad I walked in here today."

Sebastian seemed uncomfortable. "I'm sure it'll be a very rewarding experience, the site design for this place."

"Right. Except I have a feeling that if I do work for Robert, you're going to quit."

He shrugged.

"Alright, Sebastian. This place is all yours."

"Are you staying with Kurt Hummel?" Another rogue question escaped Sebastian's filter.

"Him and Santana and Rachel. They still live together. Have you seen them?"

Shaking his head, he wrapped his fingers around the closest hardcover he could reach. Touching something made him feel more grounded.

"I didn't think so. Just a warning though, they live really close by." Blaine smiled again, hoping to illicit a warmer reaction from Sebastian. His look of cold indifference remained intact.

"Well this is just a temporary thing anyway. In a few weeks I'll have no reason to come back to this area."

"You don't have to try so hard, Sebastian. I'm not under some kind of deluded impression that you're interested in being friends again. I don't deserve it, I know. God, just saying your name messes with my head." Blaine let out a deep breath, pleasantly aware of the blood coursing through his veins.

In an absurd turn of events, Sebastian felt guilty. He knew he was being abrupt and even outright rude, and Blaine just seemed relentlessly happy to see him. At least he hoped it was happiness, because he couldn't accurately describe the rush of joy that filled his body when he saw the young Mr. Anderson's smile again. "I don't think you're deluded. Why does it mess with your head?"

"Doesn't it mess with yours? I mean, did you think you'd ever see me again?"

"Not really, no. But I had a better idea of where you were than you did about me. I understand what you mean, though. It feels like daydream or something." The corners of Sebastian's mouth relaxed into something that almost resembled affection. Or maybe it was nostalgia.

"Yeah, exactly like that." Blaine met his gaze. "I'm really glad you didn't say nightmare."

"It could never – uh, anyway. I'm not going to quit if you do Robert's website. I have to at least try and act my age, right?" He said.

"I would understand completely if you didn't want me to do it. It's not childish or anything."

"Blaine," Sebastian got stuck on the name. "I just told you, its fine."

"Good. That means I can avoid the awkward end-of-conversation-please-let-me-see-you-again bit." Blaine said in a light tone.

"You're right, that does sound awkward. Glad we didn't have to go down that particular road. But I should be getting back to work; it is my first day, after all." Part of him never wanted the conversation to end, but an even bigger part was clawing for a way out.

"I don't want to keep you. I – it was really good seeing you. And I hope you're still here next week." Blaine told him.

"Yeah, me too." Neither one knew which part he was responding to. "Bye, Blaine."

"No, not bye. I'll see you." In a moment of spontaneous courage, he reached out and touched Sebastian's arm. Blaine's fingers on his bare skin fleetingly interfered with his air supply. Or, more accurately, his ability to breathe in.

"Yeah. See you." He said once the contact ceased.


	9. Chapter Eight

_**Chapter Eight**_

Adam grabbed a glass from his cabinet and filled it with water. He was just about to take his third sip when he heard the knocking. He didn't even have enough time to put the glass down before the knocking returned, louder and more erratic. Adam got a fright and dropped his glass, the shattering sound tearing through the empty house.

"I'm coming!" Adam exclaimed, walking briskly to his front door.

"Why the fuck did you not tell me that Blaine was here?" Sebastian yelled as soon he was face-to-face with the man he came to see.

"Hello to you too, Sebastian." Adam said dryly. The visit, though abrupt, was not unexpected.

"Answer the question!"

The Englishman's blue eyes narrowed in disbelief. "Are you drunk?"

"Answer the goddamn question!" Sebastian shoved him, no doubt with more force than intended. Adam stumbled backwards, just barely keeping himself from falling over.

Sebastian was shocked, as if watching the scene from a window. Outside in instead of inside out. Adam grinded his teeth and grabbed Sebastian's forearm, pulling him into the house. "Get in here." He said.

Adam led him into the kitchen and gently pushed him onto one of his dining chairs before getting to work on the shattered glass on his tiled floor. "Is it broken?" Sebastian stared blankly at the glass shards. His question was met with a furrowed brow.

"You still haven't answered my question." The former Warbler said softly a few minutes later.

Adam glanced at him over his shoulder. "I didn't want to get involved. That's why I didn't say anything."

"But you knew I didn't want to see him. You could have at least warned me." The pacing between Sebastian's words drastically picked up speed and lost it again within the course of his two sentences.

"No, actually, I didn't know that. You didn't tell me you didn't want to see him, you told me you didn't want him to know where you were."

"It's the same fucking thing." He snapped.

"Is it? What difference would it have made if I had told you? What would you have done differently?"

"I don't know because you didn't give me that opportunity!" Sebastian didn't realise how loud his voice was getting.

"Would you stop yelling? I'm right here." Adam said. "And what even happened that you're so pissed about, anyway?"

"I saw him. He came into the bookshop." Sebastian mumbled.

"What bookshop?"

"The one I got a job at. Blaine sort of works there too, and he saw me. Now he knows where I work and he's probably going to come back in a week and talk to me again." He rubbed his eyes.

"That sounds awful, Sebastian. How did you endure that?" Adam remarked, annoyed.

"Well, fuck you. You don't know anything about me."

Adam cut his finger on the last piece of glass he cleaned from the floor. "Shit." The blood oozed from the wound sooner than he anticipated. He scurried to the sink and held it under the tap to wash the blood off.

Adam studied Sebastian, who was looking at his feet, worlds away. "I know enough to know that you shouldn't be drinking."

His head shot up. "Don't tell Arielle. Please."

"Give me one good reason why I should lie for you."

"You don't have to lie. You just have to forget to tell the truth." His eyes were pleading.

Adam approached him slowly and knelt down in front in his chair. "Mate, I'm not here to make your life difficult. And I'm not out to get to you. How would keeping this a secret from your aunt benefit anyone?"

"She," Sebastian looked crestfallen. "She'd be so disappointed in me. She's given me everything. I can't do this to her."

"You've already done it, you're just not telling her about it. It would destroy her if she knew."

"That's why you can't tell her!"

"I think you're missing my point. This is something you should have considered before, not after. And besides, this shouldn't be about destroying Arielle; it should be about destroying yourself." Adam's tone was gentle but firm.

"I would have been fucking fine if you had told me." Sebastian's voice lacked the venom he tried his utmost to fake.

"No, you wouldn't have. It would have eaten at you, knowing he was right there." Adam paused, hoping the brunette would respond. He did not. "I'm sorry, alright? Not because I didn't tell you, but because something clearly hurt you."

"I'm not hurt, I'm fucking angry. At both of you." He grumbled, refusing eye contact.

Adam couldn't stop himself from smiling. "Do you always swear this much when you're angry?"

"Yeah, so what? I'm a dude." Sebastian said by way of explanation, his features softening.

"So I've noticed."

The corners of Sebastian's lips were pulled north as he experienced a sort of amused curiosity for the hidden expression in Adam's eyes. He momentarily forgot what he was mad about. Until he remembered. "So you'll keep this to yourself?"

"I never said that." Adam didn't miss a beat.

"Then what are you saying?"

"What made you pick up that drink tonight, Sebastian?"

"You already know the answer to that." He said.

"No. Stop assuming I know things and actually tell me. I want to hear it from you." Adam insisted.

"I," he was mildly surprised when he realised he hadn't given much thought to the method behind his madness. He had simply caved into his subconscious desire to escape. A trap of his own design, and he fell for it. "I don't know. I guess I associate Blaine with certain things, things I don't want to think about anymore."

"So it's not about him?"

"Not really. I don't know him anymore, how could it be? But he was there through one of the worst periods of my life, and I'm not sure if I remember him as a hero or as the instigator. No, he's not a hero. He was just a fucking kid who happened to be friends with the wrong person at the wrong time. But for me, I _felt_ the best things at the worst possible time…and then lost it all." Sebastian lowered his eyes, losing touch with his physical embodiment. He simultaneously forgot about Adam's existence as well as his own.

"You didn't lose it all. You gained a family. Blaine threw away his chance to be with you; he _chose_ that. Why are you still holding on so tightly?"

"Is that what I'm doing?" For the first time that evening, Sebastian met his gaze and held it. He held it until he forgot whose eyes he was looking at.

"That's what it looks like. But I don't know the full story, kid. What I do know is that if you ever feel the need to drown in alcohol again, pick up the phone and call me. You don't even need to talk to me or tell me what's wrong, you simply need to tell me that you need some company, and I'll be there." Adam said earnestly.

Sebastian looked at him incredulously. "How do you do that?"

"Do what?"

"You're so fucking put together all the time. Like nothing at all even phases you. How do you do that? I try and run from my shit but it always catches up." He said.

"I'm not running from anything, Sebastian. Of course it would catch up if you did."

"Well, if you're not running then I don't understand. Most people would be pissed at me; I probably would. But instead you're being decent and I don't get why. Is it some kind of act?" He knew he wasn't making sense. Or at least, he didn't think he was.

"Is what an act? So if I don't treat you like a prick then I'm not sincere? Is that it?"

"No. I've just never seen anything get to you. I've never even seen you pissed at anyone." Sebastian struggled to put his thoughts into words. Common side effect of drinking.

"I was pissed at you for shoving me earlier. I still am pissed at you for letting yourself down." Adam knew exactly what Sebastian meant. It had frustrated more than a few people over the course of the last few years.

"Yeah, but you don't seem it. Don't you know how emotions are supposed to work?" Sebastian saw something shift in those blue irises. Something was peeking through.

"My father used to be the best husband to my mother; they were so happily married it was ridiculous. But just like the rest of us, he had his fair share of problems, amongst which was the inability to _cope_ with his problems. He wore his heart on his sleeve and always had so much love to give to everyone around him. Though unfortunately, the world just didn't seem to have enough love to give back.

"Everything he felt, he felt to the very extent. If he was happy, everyone around him was ecstatic. But when he got sad or angry, things got pretty scary. He would throw things and scream and cry, no matter who was around. He never once tried to hurt anyone, not at all. It only hurt because he wouldn't let us help him, and soon it started affecting his marriage. My mom tried to get him help, but he refused therapy. He always said there was absolutely nothing wrong with feeling things the way they were meant to be felt.

"When I was fourteen years old my mom found him hanging from a tree." Adam let out a deep breath he hadn't realised he'd been holding.

"Holy shit." Sebastian whispered.

"I tell most people that he died in a car accident, but he didn't. He killed himself. And all because he could never learn how to control his emotions. I promised myself and my mom that I would never make that same mistake. I guess it can make me seem like I don't care sometimes; like everything just rolls off my back. But it doesn't. I care a lot about a lot of things. Sometimes I just choose to focus less on what someone is doing, and focus more on why they're doing it. It's a far more bearable lens to capture the world through." Adam's fingers played with leg of Sebastian's chair, having lost the nerve to look at him directly.

"I don't know what to say…fuck." Sebastian knew he wasn't in the ideal mental state to process all that he had heard.

Adam smiled ironically. "'Fuck' works."

"Thanks for telling me, man. I'm sorry I was such a dick to you tonight. You honestly did nothing wrong and I knew that. I just wanted you to get mad at me for drinking; it was either you or my aunt, and she's the scarier option." He said.

"I am mad, but what good would yelling have done? I'm glad you came to me. Arielle doesn't need to know, not yet."

"Are you serious?" Sebastian hadn't expected to hear that.

"Consider it your first and final warning. If it happens again, however, I have no choice but to involve her. I just want you to be safe." Adam affectionately put his hand on Sebastian's knee.

"The worst part is that I believe you."

"Why is that a bad thing?"

"It's bad when it comes to me." Sebastian wore a subtle smile.

"For who?" He asked.

"Mainly you." His lips curved cheekily.

There was an intensity to their gaze that left Adam breathless. He didn't know when their bodies had gotten so close to one another, but he was painfully aware of his hand still on Sebastian's leg. The Reddam student glanced down at Adam's fingers, as if he had heard his thoughts. With a confidence he very rarely possessed, Sebastian brought his own hand to rest upon Adam's.

An overwhelming urge gripped both men, magnetically pulling their faces towards each other at, what felt like, an excruciatingly slow speed. With one last heart-racing peer into Adam's eyes, Sebastian closed the remaining distance between them and their lips made contact, but only for a second.

"This is not a good idea." Adam whispered, pulling away slightly.

"I'm not a good idea?"

"This; kissing you. You're a great idea, but I can't do this." Adam lowered his head.

"Why not?" That moment, the whole night, it all felt surreal to Sebastian. So much so, in fact, that he wasn't sure any of it had even happened.

"Because I'm not going to be your way of getting back at Blaine." He said.

"What? You're not. This is not –"

"You're not even sober, Sebastian. I don't know what I was thinking." Adam moved away, walking back to the sink and gripping the edge closest to him with both hands.

"I guess you weren't thinking. I wasn't. Well, I was, but not about Blaine." Sebastian told him.

"It's late. You should get some sleep." He said without looking in the direction of the man he was speaking to.

"You don't do the whole sleeping thing?"

Adam smiled. "You can have my bed. I'll take the couch."

"No way, man. It's your apartment, I'll sleep on the couch." Sebastian protested.


End file.
